JLS (jlsjlsjls) wrote,

Some long-forgotten Trek silliness ...

... from my new-to-me copy of From Fringe to Flying Circus. These script excerpts are from an eighth-season (1973) episode of I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again, demonstrating how John Cleese's RL complaints about scripts/parts were so routine that they were being written into the scripts to save him the trouble of adlibbing. :P

The players: Tim Brooke-Taylor, John Cleese, Jo Kendall, David Hatch (also the show's producer), Graeme Garden, Bill Oddie ("GRAMS" is BBC-speak for sound effects)

B-TAYLOR (camp voice): Well, anyway, heart -- what is our position, Mr. Zulu?
CLEESE: Velly uncomfo'table, Claptain.
KENDALL (on distort): Emergency -- Captain Kink to the bridge immediately -- emergency.
B-TAYLOR: Never a dull moment.
CLEESE: Quite light, Claptain.
HATCH: And so Captain Kink ...
CLEESE (normal voice): Just a minute -- is that all?
HATCH: What?
CLEESE: Is that all I've got this week? "Velly uncomfo'table" and "quite light Claptain" -- is that it? (goes on complaining)
HATCH: Yes. And so Captain Kink ... quiet please ... and so Captain Kink sprang into the lift.
HATCH: Nice one! ( A voice in the background shouts "Was it worth it?" The lift took him swiftly up to the bridge.
B-TAYLOR: Oh -- lift full of ruddy musicians as usual.

The Scottish Chief Engineer (Scott, Scotty for short, from Scotland) tells the Captain that there is a serious emergency.

B-TAYLOR: Scotty -- you take the lift down to the engine room ...
GARDEN: But it's awfu' heavy, Captain.
HATCH: With the Starship Enterprise completely out of control, things were bad.
ODDIE (slap, slap): Naughty things!
HATCH: The Captain leapt boldly to the controls and furiously started pushing buttons.
ODDIE: Get off!
KENDALL: Oh, Buttons -- if only I could go to the ball ...
HATCH: Just a minute, just a minute ...
ODDIE: After all ...
ODDIE & KENDALL (singing): "When you wish upon a star ..."
HATCH (hurriedly): And speaking of stars, that brings us back to the plot -- the door opened and in came Mr. Zulu.
CLEESE (off): Oh -- that's me again -- about time too.
HATCH: Zulu staggered across to Captain Kink ...
CLEESE: Yes, yes --
HATCH: Then suddenly and dramatically ...
CLEESE: Yes, yes, yes --
HATCH: He collapsed without a sound.
(The audience go "Ahhh")
CLEESE: Without a sound!
HATCH: Yes! Kink knew there was ...
CLEESE: I'm sorry, this is disgraceful!
HATCH: Look, do stop complaining, John.
CLEESE: No, no -- I think this is very shabby treatment. Good Lord, I mean, I give up my Sunday afternoon to come in here just for the sake of a lousy "quite light Claptain" -- I could have been at home mowing the kittens -- no, I'm sorry, ...
HATCH: Look, this is a jolly exciting story -- if you're just going to spoil it by moaning, then you might as well go home.
CLEESE: Yes, but --
HATCH: No, no -- I've had enough, you see -- I mean, just go on home. Here's your satchel -- go on.
CLEESE: All right, I will.

And he does -- but he soon returns. After he has been allowed to be Mr. Spock, the ship crashes on an asteroid at precisely 6 p.m. Asteroid Time. ("Ah, well, if asteroid time the pubs will be open.")
Tags: listening, reading, silliness

  • Fibre things

    Still here, work still closed to the public and on 4-day weeks, though for May we've switched to closed on Mondays instead of on Fridays. I'm still…

  • Life in the great indoors

    Work has gone to a four-day work week for April (closed on Fridays) and May (closed on Mondays) and we're all encouraged to work at home whenever…

  • It's been a while ...

    Just been spending less time on the computer; more reading and knitting and other stuff instead. So the green socks are finished. And so is…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.