JLS (jlsjlsjls) wrote,
JLS
jlsjlsjls

2005 in a nutshell (one Canadian perspective)


In with the old

By JOHN ALLEMANG

Saturday, December 31, 2005 Page F2

Our guiding light's George W.
Who lends a touch of déjà vu,
A been-there, done-that sense of fate,
To those of us who contemplate
The residue of hope and fear
That adds up to another year.
This President in cruise control,
Who drives the straight line to his goal
And only likes to see what's best,
Wants each year to be like the rest --
Predictable, immune from change,
It's life lived in a narrow range
Where nothing's going to cause surprise,
And bad news can't offend the eyes.
Katrina, as you may recall,
With all its power to appall
Could not begin to penetrate
The levees of his mental state,
And when he had to pick a judge,
How hard it was to make him budge
From looking at the chosen few
Who'd never make a year seem new.
But if George Bush has set the tone,
It's not like it's just him alone
Who makes us want to count the days
Until the world can mend its ways.
Please ponder how the Papal See,
Whose timeline is eternity,
When asked to find another pope,
Considered change and then said, "Nope,"
Or how Tom Cruise, the ageless hunk,
Stayed true to L. Ron Hubbard's bunk
And found himself that Dawson's wraith
To share his baby and his faith
(And put to rest, we hope, the thought
That Tom is something that he's not).
But speaking of recycled trash
That tabloids use to make their cash,
This year could never be complete
Till we've brought up Brad's itchy feet,
Which fled Jen's domesticity
For Angelina, plus jolie,
And proved, when you've got looks and fame,
That nothing has to stay the same.
The rest of us, alas, are stuck
With lifelines fenced by fate and luck --
By which I mean, dear kids and wife,
I couldn't have a better life,
And only now and then aspire
To fuel Belinda Stronach's fire
Or wish, if fortune played more fair,
That I had Stephen Harper's hair
(Which much like him, shows no effect
When winds of change try to deflect
The hair-sprayed order of our lives
To make the mess where freedom thrives).
But since the truth's both plain and bald,
Just let me say I'm quite appalled
By politicians, left and right,
Who forced next year's election night
To prove that when the past year's gone,
The new one brings the same old yawn:
A Liberal minority?
So much for months of Gomery,
A damning probe of sponsorship,
And nothing changes -- what a rip!
So plus ça change, yet who's to blame
When mortals flit back to the flame?
"Charles Weds Camilla" -- call that news?
Iran's new leader can't stand Jews;
The CIA has bent the rules;
The U.S. envoy says we're fools
To challenge their God-given right
To win the age-old lumber fight;
Some teenage hockey star is god;
A thug makes our Olympic squad;
Top CEOs end up as crooks;
And Peter Newman still sells books
By nodding at Mulroney's guff --
It sure sounds like the same old stuff.
Dull minds that don't learn from the past
Repeat it to the very last,
But don't despair in these dark days,
For things at least have changed for gays
Who couldn't stand the status quo
Where each wedding's hetero:
In one year, look how far they came,
Through marriage where the sex is . . . same.

jallemang@globeandmail.com

Re the mention of an election in the poem ... yes, Canada is having a federal election on Monday, January 23, 2006. Stephen Harper, the head of the Federal Conservative Party and sometimes referred to here as "Bushwannabe", brought in a non-confidence vote against the minority Liberal government early in December (happened during the week my sinuses were attacking me and I wasn't capable of coherent reporting), thus forcing an election. Since polls showed that Canadians didn't want to spend tax money on a forgone conclusion (it's good odds that the Liberals will be elected into minority power again), he's really endeared himself to the population with this act.

And the reason this whole circus is happening? Stephen Harper, despite all his claims about his mission to bring in a corruption-free government (yeah, right), is a major-league homophobe who is obsessed with revoking the same-sex marriage law (I had great hopes that his head would explode when the legislation passed and we wouldn't have to listen to him anymore ... ah well ***sigh***). Obsessed to such a degree that many members of his own party are trying to pretend they don't know him. Yep, his promised first act as Prime Minister is gonna be an attempt to take away a newly won civil right. Déja vu, anyone? (oh, he's also going to cut taxes, and therefore, government revenues, while quadrupling government spending ... which will include bolstering our Arctic defenses against a U.S. submarine invasion from the north ***cue Twilight Zone theme music here***).


Also in the news:

Wait a second

They'd take Halifax (then we'd kill Kenny) Maybe THIS is why Harper thinks we need more defenses? If so, somebody needs to buy the man an atlas. :p
Tags: news
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